What do you do when some of your friends make racist comments? Do you remain silent? Excuse yourself? Get angry? Change the topic? Laugh outwardly to fit in, but secretly feel uncomfortable? Let me share with you a recent experience and my feeble attempt at prompting change.

A couple of decades ago, I played Ultimate, a flying disk (Frisbee), team sport. I played on a national championship team in college and played competitively at the national level for an additional four years. Like any sport, we competed with and against one another enough times to become part of a community of several 100 players around the US. I still receive an email now and then on some topic of interest. Last Friday, the topic was a Chinese company buying Wham-O, the maker of the hula hoop, superball, Slip-N-Slide, and the Frisbee.

I few people started making jokes about the implications of a Chinese-run company on the Frisbee. A few people went lowbrow, making fun of the way Chinese look, speak, and live. Some also confused Chinese with Japanese. I know most of what was said comes from less-than excellent knowledge and trying to be funny, and also true, I personally felt uncomfortable reading these comments and saying nothing. What do you do in this situation?

I decide to reply. Below is the complete text:

Gents
I noticed that Wham-O's sales are $80 million annually and the company was sold for under $80 million. That would suggest that it wasn't a well run company, it needed to be sold. Still, very interesting news!

People are free to express their opinions, and it's rare that I get offended by much these days, so I find it interesting that I am feeling that way now. Humm, WWBS (what would Buddha say :-)). I also guess that I am not alone in my perspective. But even if I am the only one, so be it.

What does it mean to be a human being?

I haven't been to all of China, but what I have seen is impressive. Yes, there are many poor people in the West who leave their farms to work in the Eastern factories. They are paid less than US workers, but make more than they would on farms. Under aged? No. Slaves? No. The same phenomenon took place in this country only a short time ago.

There are also 6 times as many engineers as in the US. Outside R&D investment is twice the US. Outside Capital investment is also twice the US. Even though it has a communistic government, the people are entrepreneurs. It's a vibrant place, the next superpower. China has a rich history of creativity too. The Chinese invented the crossbow, the seismograph, gun powder, and the printing press (about 600 years before the West). However, even if none of this were true, what I feel is the right thing to do would still be true.

Yes, some Asians have trouble pronouncing some of our sounds, and equally true, Westerners have trouble pronouncing their sounds. I am impressed with anyone who speaks more than one language, for I only speak one. So when someone mispronounces English, I know it's because they are not native English speakers, and they speak some other language quite well. For example, my wife speaks three Chinese languages fluently as well as English.

In addition, what you may not realize is that there are over 50 Chinese dialects and cultures within China. Further, there's quite a difference between Chinese and Japanese, just as there are differences between Swedes and Italians. They use the same written characters, just like Europeans use the same basic alphabet, abcde..., but that doesn't mean they are the same languages, "papasan".

What does it mean to be free of bias?

I'm of the opinion that every culture has some greatness, and every person, regardless of origin, has some gifts. Especially ourselves. I'm also of the opinion that there's many ways to create humor, without lowering the value of others and thereby oneself.

Consider this story. Buddha once was being insulted. After the man finished, Buddha, said, "If a person offers you a gift, and you refuse, who does the gift belong to?" The man says, "To the giver". "That is correct", replied Buddha, "and I politely refuse your gift."

Be a Buddha, my friends, and live a worthy life.

Have a great weekend. Go Broncos.

Postscript:

From my point of view, two opportunities for improvement:

1. If it contained a little humor, it would have been better.
2. I was way off with the Broncos.

As for the replies, here is the tally:

5 Very strong supporting emails, with a positive tone (four public, one private)

2 Asking people to relax, both emails from the same person, an original offender.

1 Ignoring the topic and asking for help with a research project.

1 Criticizing the Chinese government for suppressing religion.

2 Making clever Buddha jokes. Authors were among the original offenders.

1 From one of the worst offenders, sent privately, commenting on the improvement in the quality of humor (I replied and acknowledge the change in tone).

Overall, I would call it a success:

no one was hurt, a different point of view was expressed and acknowledge, and the quality of the humor improved. Realistically, that’s about all a single email can do among friends.

As one person said to me privately, people think speaking up doesn’t have an effect, but it does. The change is small, but each message has an effect. I agree 100%. Often change is directional, pointing people in one direction, rather than another.

Any personal stories you care to share?

Keywords:  change agent, personal relations, personal bias, change leadership

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Michael Cushman, The Engaging Guru, wants you to master enrolling others in your truth, get the goodies of life, and change the world.  www.engagingchange.com